after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
