I think my vagina is haunted
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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