That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
