Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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