My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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