I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Let's paint friendship bongs
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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