Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
