Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
