im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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