Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
