I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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