I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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