i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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