pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize