so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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