So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
