The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
