Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
