I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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