I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
