Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
