just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
