I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
