You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
