how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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