im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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