So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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