Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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