we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
