I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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