Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
