I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Text me some of your sweat
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