nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
