I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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