So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
