he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
