i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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