I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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