I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
