just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
