apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
