as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize