I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have tasted many bathrooms
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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