Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
