im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
