i jhust puked up my retainher.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
