i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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