We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
