Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
