I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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