Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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