Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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