I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
