im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
