btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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