Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
