no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
