and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize