I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize