I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
