Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We're too hungover to prance.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
