So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
