He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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