i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
