And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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