wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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