He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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