I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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