So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
