So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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