your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
