my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
