Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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