why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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