Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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