nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
